Well Gang, It's official!  I went to see the surgeon on Friday, 11 days post surgery, and I was down 29lbs.!  I still feel great and I no longer look like a cyborg!  LOL  The drains have been removed!  I am sleeping most of the night now that I don't have all of those tubes to get tangled in!  LOL  All in all, I am at a real high point in my life.

Hugs and blessings to all,

Steve 

So here I am, 9 days after gastric bypass surgery...feeling great! I have lost 25lbs. already and not to complain, I keep thinking, go faster! It brings me to mind of the whole instant gratification problem our world, and the USA in particular, has. It took me 51 years to get this fat I then it took me 5 years to get the surgery, and now,it's taking too long! I have to remind myself that the goal is to retrain my eating habits. Baby steps. I tell myself, "Wow, 25lbs in 9 days, that's incredible!" but I still want it gone....faster! I spent my first week on a clear liquid diet. Now I am on a full liquid diet. For those of you who don't know the difference (I didn't) Clear liquids are just that, clear. Full liquids adds not only dairy but anything that can become liquid in my now 1oz stomach, i.e. Jello! I can have cream soups, yogurt, sugar free juices, I think you get the general idea, boring, but hey I'm thrilled, it's filling! My life is all about rules now. I can't drink 30 min. before my meals, or 45 minutes after....My meals are liquid so what difference does it make? LOL I have to exercise 1/2 hour a day, working towards and hour daily. I will be back on whole foods in 8 weeks! But i will still have rules, no sugar or fats! They will make me sick and even faint! Is that anything like the medicines that alcoholics can take that makes them sick if they drink alcohol? I think it's a great idea. My surgeon told me that all it will take is one case of "dumping syndrome", that's what they call it, and I will never cheat again. I have rules about how many times I must chew my foods (not yet, but I'll get there), about how long to take to eat, ad infinitum!

I looked at myself in the mirror today. I stood there naked as the day I was born and took a good hard look at my body and I thought, "I look like a cyborg"! I have 6 portholes in my abdomen, and 2 drainage tubes coming out of my sides that have these things that look like clear plastic hand grenades hanging off them. Then I looked some more and I first felt excited at the loss that already show on my body ( I still have 100lbs to go) and then I felt a twinge of sadness. This huge body has been my friend, an insulator against the outside world. Yet it has also made me a magnet for criticism, piercing stares, and unkind words and deeds!

I have been asked, "but why something so extreme? You have lost weight on your own before. What's different now"? They answered their own question. Yes I have lost weight before but I have always gained it back and more, and when that happens we are talking about one of life's nastiest roller coasters. I go from the high of the success of having lost weight, to the deepest of depressions for not keeping it off. No, let me rephrase that, for not being capable of keeping it off. You see, for those of you who have never been obese, nobody starts a diet (even you skinny bastards that whine about an extra 5lbs! ;) ), thinking, "I'm going to lose this 100 or so pounds so that I can have the fun of putting it back on. Those of us who are truly obese, I think my medical chart says morbidly obese, have a disease. A disease as devastating as any cancer. It hurts us on every level, physically, emotionally, hell it can even kill us! I once had a lover. James was a recovering alcoholic. A truly handsome and wise man. He once had the balls to tell me that eating was my addiction and I could beat it just like he had beaten alcohol. I asked him what would happen if he had even one drink. He told me he couldn't, that he would be in the gutter in less than a week. I told him that I agreed with him, he would be. Then he stressed that he could never touch alcohol again. Then I pointed out, :there's the difference"! He didn't get it so I put it this way, "James you can go the rest of your life, never having to drink or have contact alcohol again, right? I have to deal with my addiction every day, multiple times. I can't just give up food for the rest of my life. Not only is the temptation always going to be there, but I have to dole out non lethal amounts of it to myself. In a nutshell, obesity is a every bit as much a disease as cancer, and there are no "easy" solutions for it.

Yes, I had surgery, but the effects of that surgery are not lifelong, they are a tool to by me time. Time to retrain myself, to receive the psychiatric care necessary for having to give up my best friend. Time to let my joints and heart heal. 2 weeks ago I had diabetes, high blood pressure, and depression. My joints were shot and in need of repair, and I had a series of hernias that are 18 inches long and 8 inches wide. Today my blood sugar is normal, my blood pressure is normal, and already i can tell a difference in my knees and ankles when I walk! I will still need to have hernia surgery and maybe even joint replacement, but at 51, I have been given a second chance at life, and even if I do look like a cyborg at present, it's so worth it!

Well it's time for my dinner! I need to go and have my 8oz glass of skim milk and guess what? I will feel more full than I have in years!  Oh and fat, could you leave my body just a little bit faster?  LOL!

Blessings,

Steve

Namste Dear Ones,

Well here it is August 5th.  Tomorrow morning at 8am I will be having my partial intestinal bipass surgery and my life as I now know it will change forever.  I pray that it is for the best.  I report to the University of Iowa Hospitals @ 6am!  Aurrgh! I will be too sleepy to be scared!  LOL  Keep me in your prayers and send me energy for a speedy recover!

 

Today my group had a Lughnassadh ritual at our Grove.  It was beautiful!  We made corn dollies and then had a feast featuring deviled eggs, cheese, sausage, corn bread, corn on the cob, zucchini casserole with tomatoes and zukes from my garden, and sliced tomatoes with fresh basil, fresh mozzarella, olive oil, and balsamic!  Yummy!  It was a feast that the goddess Sul should be pleased with!

Blessings,

Steve 

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<strong>Your Aura is Blue</strong>
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Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life.<br />
You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships.<br />
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The purpose of your life: showing love to other people<br />
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Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah<br />
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Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor
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<div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorisyourauraquiz/">What Color Is Your Aura?</a></div>

Dear Ones,

Today I had the honor of performing a crossing over ritual for my dear friends mother. I only knew her briefly and I know that she had lived a difficult and troubled life. The one thing that I do know about her is that she produced a wonderful young man who I am proud to call friend. May you rest in peace Lisa for you deserve some peace. I will watch over your son and he will be my friend forever!

Steve